What would you do - people's names
WWYD.
“Love”, “Sweetheart” or Patronising?
A healthcare assistant regularly calls residents terms like “love,” “darling,” and “sweetheart.”
Some residents smile and seem comforted by the warmth and familiarity. Others appear uncomfortable but never say anything. A newer member of staff feels uneasy and wonders whether the language is kind and caring — or unintentionally patronising.
One colleague says,“It’s just being friendly — people are too sensitive these days.”
Another argues,“We wouldn’t speak to other adults like that outside care settings.” WWYD.
In a care setting, I would always take a person-centred approach. I would observe the resident’s body language and response, and where appropriate, ask how they prefer to be addressed. For example:
“Would you prefer me to call you Mrs Smith, Mary, or something else?”
This shows respect, promotes dignity, and avoids making assumptions.
I would also encourage staff to be mindful that residents may not always say when they feel uncomfortable, especially if they do not want to appear rude or difficult. Therefore, we should not assume silence means consent.
My view is that using friendly terms is not automatically wrong, but it should never become a habit used with everyone. It should depend on the person, their wishes, and the relationship built with them. Professional kindness means being warm without removing respect or choice.
I know people who use terms of endearment all the time and they find it difficult to stop, however we do need to be careful as it can appear patronising to some people, even though no harm is meant.
I was recently being served in a shop by a young man who called me 'my lovely'. He was young enough to be my son and I immediately thought 'oh dear, I've reached 'that age'!! I never thought it would bother me, but I immediately felt uncomfortable.
The support plan should always start with how the persons prefers to be addressed.
If you are using terms of endearment, you should check with the person if they mind and its worth adding to the support plan that this conversation has taken place. CQC inspectors will pick up on it.
I would remember that dignity means treating residents as adults and respecting their individual preferences. Terms such as ‘love’, ‘darling’ or ‘sweetheart’ may feel warm and comforting to some people, but they may feel patronising or disrespectful to others.
I would get to know each resident and ask how they prefer to be addressed, rather than assuming that everyone likes these terms. I would also encourage staff to use people's preferred names and respectful language.
If I noticed someone becoming uncomfortable, I would raise it sensitively with the colleague and explain that our intention should be to make every resident feel respected, valued and comfortable. Being friendly and caring is important, but it should never come at the expense of someone's dignity.
The key question is not whether the staff member means well, but how the resident experiences the way they are being spoken to.